Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Let the Torture Begin...

The last time that we saw Venus, she had just received some bad news. Or good news, depending on how evil you are. (It was good news to me.)

I don't want to talk about it.

Who was talking to you?

 Anyways, she had just found out that the elderly (and unattractive) Melvin Taft has won the Riverview Lottery. Because of this, I bestowed 250,000 simoleons on him.

YOU!!!! I knew that you had something to do with this!!

Uhh...I write the story.

That's what I thought. TRAITOR!!!

Whatever. So...Venus, understandably is pretty upset with me now. I gave her a little time to cool down, but apparently it wasn't enough. 

LIAR! You've been busy with your pathetic little "life" again, haven't you? Or have you been playing with those sappy Braxton's  instead of me?? ADMIT IT!!

Um...on with the story.

*narrows eyes*

Venus left work one day, to find a surprise waiting for her outside.

 I told you that he was a stalker. 

Don *is* starting to seem a little creep-ish. He was hanging around outside of her work, waiting for her. I think he might be a little off of the deep end. I don't know what Venus has done to him.
♫♪My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.♫♪

*raises eyebrow* 

Apparently, it doesn't matter how stalkerish that Don is being, Venus *still* invited him in to show him her "office."

We made my desk shake. Oh. I mean "milkshakes."

Eeww. Well, you know...most politicians *are* skeezy.


You might be wondering what skill Venus is learning. (Note the meter above her head.) Twallan can explain that for me. ;-)

Good times were had by all, obviously:

Although, Don does look a little confused, doesn't he?
He doesn't know what hit him. need to stop. 

And since she had just gotten a promotion, she was now needing campaign funding, which she promptly asked for from Don.

I believe that there has to be something wrong with that from a moral standpoint.


I do believe you are getting paid for your "services."

*gasp* How dare you suggest such a thing?

Because Don just donated almost 4,000 simoleons to your campaign and he lives in a barn. I don't think he donated just because he likes your political views.

*snickers* I am deeply offended.

Yeah, yeah...I can tell. Hooker.

It was time for Venus to head home, but not before Don attempted to cop a feel in the glitchiest way possible.

My, that was awkward. At first I just thought I had a little bit of indigestion.

Oh, the life of a sim.

Finally at home, and out of her granny-clothes, I decided to try something a little different.

 I'm going to let her try to cook!

You're going to buy me a stove?

I don't recall saying that, I said "let you cook."

 You don't need a stove to cook. Perhaps if you can finish the salad with all of your fingers in tact, I might consider it in the not-so-near future.

And, look at that! Her fingers made it through. *considering stove*

Ewww!! I don't know if that was an onion or a fingernail.

*barf* Nevermind about that stove...

 What? I wash my hands.

You're never cooking again.

Trying to add a little variety into Venus' life...I invited Sherman Bagley over, which proved to be a poor choice on my part.

He has the coward trait, and spent the first few minutes fearing a burglary. Apparently, he promptly remembered where he was, and that it was probably the unlikeliest place for a robber to be, considering there was absolutely nothing of value in the house whatsoever. So...he laughed it off.

To help calm his nerves, I sent Venus over to tell him a funny story:

Have ya heard the one about the pathetic girl that does nothing but play sims all day? She writes stories, and pretends that her "people" are conversing with her. And then this one time, she invited this super boring guy over to her loveliest sim's house, and he spent the whole time being a scared, lame-ass who wouldn't even flirt because he was "married" or something. Her gorgeous sim was totally mad at her for not just inviting a totally hot sim over (like Yuri Ivanov) to woo-hoo with. Isn't that hilarious??

Ahahahahaha. Get out.

That was unendurable.

Sorry. I thought he would be more fun than that.

Venus decided to just go to bed, since it had been such a disappointing evening. She woke up the next morning, and did a little house cleaning in her undies:

She does this EVERY  morning, for some reason.

Cleaning in my underwear makes me feel free as a bird.

That is frightening.

Anyways, it was time to get down to business. After work that day, I had plans for her:

Oh my cheese and crackers, how long am I going to have to stand here and watch this old fart play chess?

As long as it takes to please him, he has lots of money now, ya know. He might be generous to pretty, young girls that watch him play chess by himself.

Fortunately for Venus, he decided to stop playing chess and chat with her for a bit.

 I'm not here to try to marry you and steal your money away. No, sirreee.

  See, I'm being run by this stupid girl on a computer...

And she thought it would be nice if I were to drop by to say "My, what a lovely house you have."

I'm just a friendly local politician, nothing dangerous at all. Politicians are known for NOT marrying rich people and knocking them off to take their money. That rarely happens. Just so you know. I would never do anything like that. 

Melvin, obviously confused from the babbling, wanted to know if she was trying to drum up campaign money, or something.

I was trying to make him feel at ease.

You seriously creeped me out. And I think you have ruined our plan.

Watch the master.

No, my dear sir, I am not trying to get money from you, by marrying you or otherwise. I was just thinking to myself the other day, my what a nice old geezer that Melvin Taft seems to be.

Unlike that other old turd, Henry Somethingorother. No, Melvin seems like a perfectly generous human being who likes to bestow expensive gifts on attractive young women, so I thought I would come by and say "hi" since I was in the neighborhood. So..."hi."

Melvin had to agree that Henry Somethingorother was, indeed, an old turd...just like Venus had said. He had always felt like he was the most eligible old guy in town, of course, he was just glad to see that someone else realized it.

*rolls eyes*

Like Venus said...

I am the epitome of perfection.

*sigh* NO! Men are amazingly stupid creatures.

They were both pleased to find out that they had compatible astrological signs...

And with very little flirting needed,

They were on their way to their first date.

Venus decided it was best to dress with the utmost taste and class.

Haters ♥ me!

*rolls eyes*

I should be the one rolling my eyes...look at this!

 He's so old he can barely see! What a waste of wealth - look at this car. Couldn't he have bought something more suitable to take girls like me out on dates with?

It has a backseat. That's all girls like you need.

That was rude and offensive. You are going to damage my self esteem.

 I'm not worried about your self esteem. It has a steel coating. 

After dinner, Venus was noticeably exhausted.

I'm also noticeably wondering what the hell those bubbas are staring at.


 Farmer John and his friend, there. Why are they staring? Don't they know that is socially unacceptable? Not that they seem to care, I mean, look at the overalls.

It's pretty obvious what they are staring at.

They are wondering why you made such an inappropriate choice of outfit for dining with your grandfather.

Who cares what they think? Soon, I will be rich, and they will still be standing around looking inbred.

Woah, testy, are we?

You try romancing a wrinkled old prune and see how you feel!

 I have to give it to Venus, though, she was quite the trooper. Luckily for her, Melvin is starting to get tired.

Is there still time to invite Yuri over?

 Oh, Melvin, have you given any thought to having a swimming pool built? I hear that they are great to have, but definitely not for drowning old men in. I don't know why anyone would do that, do you? Isn't that GHASTLY?

You're scary. Even to me.

The creepy people were still there...being creepy:

So, Venus decided to give them something to look at.

I'm sure that Melvin was as shocked as they were. Soon, though, it was time to leave. I didn't want poor, old Melvin passing out in front of the Bistro. I hate when I have to laugh at old people, it seems so disrespectful. ;-)

(No offense to old people, I like you just fine. My mom is one. *waves* Hi, mom! :-P)

Venus, of course, couldn't help but hearing the conversation going on behind her:

"Did you hear about that really smart, beautiful, and witty girl that plays the Sims from time to time while she is bored? My, are her stories clever. Anyway, word has it that she is controlling this hooker now and made her kiss her grandfather!!! Bahahah, isn't that just the funniest thing you ever heard?"

Silence. I keel you.

Tune in *very* soon to find out:

-What the heck goes on with Venus and Melvin? 
-Do I finally let her have another go at Yuri?
-Does Venus ever really adjust to her situation?

See ya next time, guys!


  1. Awesome update! Venus is just as hilarious as usual! I can't wait to see if she manages to get Melvin, even with her creepy as heck comments. :)

  2. Thanks! I hope Melvin cooperates. Maybe he doesn't want a hooker for a wife! *lol*

  3. Run Melvin. Run away!

    Let the hooker have Don like she secretly wants to. :)