Sunday, January 16, 2011

Woohoo, Cupcakes, and Babies! WHEE!!

Hello, readers!

As you know, when we last left our lovely heroine, she was desperately trying to get her groove on with Don Lothario.



I resent that remark.



Oh. Haha. The truth can't be helped, dear. Moving on.

I love making my sims happy, so when Venus got another promotion she rolled a wish to "Buy something worth at least $100." I obliged.

A stereo! I figured that it would brighten up Venus' drab little house just a little bit. She, of course, being ever grateful, all but turned her nose up at it.

Sorry if I was thinking more along the lines of  "stove."

That's what rich, dead husbands are for.    


I have to wait that long??!

Timing is all up to you. I can't help that you keep mooning after Don Lothario, and he just so happens to live in a barn.

Ummm...hello? It's called "motherlode." You should try it sometime. Say he won the lottery. I don't care.

Sorry, toots, no can do. But I can do something else for you.

She had been begging to see Don for awhile, so I decided to give in. *rolls eyes* 

I wasn't begging, I merely suggested.

You have four wish slots, and they were all occupied by Don's face. I call that begging.

Can you guess which car Venus was getting escorted in? *snicker*
After dinner, they stood around outside, chatting for a bit.

 I predict that by the time Venus reaches full adulthood, she will be a cow.


Look at your thought bubble! Don's thinking "love," you're thinking "sandwich."

I was thinking that Don was tasty, like a sandwich.

...I rest my case.

 Is this better:

"Are your feet tired? They should've been running through my mind all day long."

Oh, for freak's sake.

 I don't know how she managed to make that line work for her, but, as you can see...she did.

Venus and Don shared their first kiss.

Unfortunately, as that is his girlfriend's mother standing in front of them, Don had some serious explaining to do and ran off before anything else could happen.

I don't know what she was so upset about, it was just a friendly kiss.

I think that's an oxymoron. ;-)

Excuse ME! I am not! That was rude!


I just achieved my lifetime wish.

Anyways, after Don's disappointing disappearance, I decided to take Venus back to The Grind to see what she could see.

 Lo and behold, out comes walking Don Lothario!!

Whatever. I'm over it.

I'm here to find love tonight.

With that creepy bartender? I think the whole place is empty.

No. He fails at life. There are others here. I can smell them. Well...I can smell "him."

 I have a sixth sense the size of Saturn. 

...and I smell man.

Decently good-looking.

Late-twenties. Early-thirties.

I'm willing him to head this way.

This is creepy.

Just you wait...look behind me.

  ...I'm in shock.

Never underestimate my powers. I am a man-hunting machine, sweets.

I'm loving the duck lips.

It's a side effect of the Venus-sense.

*raises eyebrow*

And what is this? Some sort of mating dance?

I'm gettin' down with my bad self.

Bad is right. Venus is right about that Venus-sense, though. It's no joke.

A little dance.

A little gossip:

(Which was - "Hey have you heard Don Lothario has been seen flirting with Rhoda Bagley?" Bwahahaha.)

And he was putty in her hands:

He says he'd like to take me for a ride. Tee-hee.

Oh, brother. Although, I must commend you, Venus, you have stepped up in the world by leaps and bounds. Jon Lessen is a famous guitarist, with a beautiful home and lots of cars and money.

Cool! Who is that?

Um...the guy in front of you. Did you not even know his name?

Venus-sense doesn't tell me that much. But this is good, right? I pick him. Totally. Now, help me get rid of him.

Get rid of him?

You know. Send him to his maker.

What does EA have to do with this?

I have to kill him!!

Oh, not yet. You have to reel him in first, and get married. Just act natural.

 I don't know what that is. But, I don't think it classifies as "natural."

I think he's dating that old lady, though. The one giving me the evil eye.

 Her? No. She just thinks you're a hooker. You were, after all, slobbering all over her daughter's boyfriend about 15 minutes ago.

After all this, it's probably hard for you to believe that Venus woke up ALONE the next morning:

 Thanks alot for broadcasting my epic failures.

You're very welcome, my dear.

 What the french toast is this?

I'm closing my eyes and dreaming of onion rings. Mmm...warm food.

   Not that, stupid...when did you restyle yourself?

 Oh, you mean this ol' thing? Just something I had laying around the house. Cool, huh?

You look like the founder of a Berry Sweet Pornogra-cy. What's your new name? Hookerberry Hocake?

 Hater's gonna hate. I don't let it get me down. I just brush 'em off.

 Shouldn't you be getting ready for work, instead of dancing?

I am getting ready. Dancing puts me in a good mood for the rest of the day. You should try it. You have been kind of stuffy lately.

Well, I hear the horn blowing, you better get goin'.

Uh...Venus? Why are you just standing there?



You've worked on this story so hard. Why don't you close your eyes and relax while I head to work?

Why don't you just go to work and stop acting ridiculous?

Just close your eyes. Please?

Okay. Closed.




Traitor. JUDAS!

Don't you look sweet?

Whatever, stupid. I have a job to do.

Apparently, Venus brought a change of clothes with her. Because after work, she changed back into her normal outfit.

At least I think she did. Venus, do you have something to tell me? Do you have split personalities, or something? Living a double life as Walter Grisby? I mean, I always thought I could see a resemblance...

Bite my butt.

As you can see, Venus was feeling a little lonely.

And seriously wanting to show her new, elegant outfit off. So I sent her BACK to The Grind.

As usual, the first thing she did was stuff her face.

The poor police officer is trying to make polite conversation with her.

But Venus, God bless her, is anything BUT polite.

Excuse me? I just don't understand why all these dudes want to try to talk to me when I am obviously eating. I thought that it wasn't polite to talk with your mouth full. Well, my mouth just happened to be full the whole time.

Besides, I totally plus-signed him. Hello? Don't you see that. I think that's equal to an "LOL" in human speak.

...which is a very indifferent response.


You're impossibly ill-mannered.

You made me.

I can delete you.

I totally just minus-signed you.

Hey, Venus how would you feel if one of these winners won the lottery, tomorrow:

You *would* do that to me, wouldn't you?

Hey, give me a little credit. If I hadn't stopped you the other day, you might have been having dinner with this guy, and wondering why your food tastes funky.


Whatever. I'm just gonna show these dweebs how it's done. If someone interesting comes in...let me know.

There ya go. 

Hello? Venus! Attractive, rich dude stage right.

Oh! Him! I have something to say to him. Thanks for telling me.

 Well...that looks...inappropriate.

I thought you didn't speak Simlish?

No, but I speak OBVIOUS.

  And it's OBVIOUS that you have scared him off. Way to go, Venus.

Jon? No...he's going to get the car warmed up.

See..? Told ya.

What are you bragging about? Aren't you forgetting something?

Like what? Like how I just *totally* brought this filthy rich dude home with me for a night of glorious passion?

  Looks like you're all alone to me.

He...uh...left early! He had to get ready for work!

By "early," of course, you mean he left almost as soon as he got there.

Who's side are you on, anyways?

I'm just keepin' it real.

Venus wasn't entirely alone, though. She had her broken toilet to keep her company.

 She, of course, tried to walk away like nothing happened. Not in this house. In this house, we fix what we break.

 I'm not stupid. I saw the "call repairman" option. You are just one mean person.

Poor people don't get to pay repairmen $50 to unclog a toilet that probably isn't even worth that much.

Poor people get to fix it themselves.


are POOR!

*cries* Why do you have to rub it in? Why are you so mean to me? What did I ever do to you??

Woah there. No need for all that. Here, I'll make it up to you. Warm breakfast!

Mwahahahaha. My plan always works. You are so easy. Tears? Me? I laugh at tears.

Jokes on you. I'm only sending you there because I know you'll find some way to get it for free. You don't think I'd actually let you pay for food, do you? Silly.

Something very interesting happened while Venus was in the diner.

The Newbies strolled up, carrying a baby. Robert sat her on the ground, like so:

And then they took off:

 And a few seconds later?

 Baby's gone! Oh my, a MYSTERY!!

I must get Venus to solve this.

Finally, she emerged. From behind, no less.

I was giving my compliments to the chef.

I'm sure you were. Now, come on. You've got work to do.

Go chat up Robert Newbie and find out what happened to the missing baby! 

Why do I care about some dumb disappearing baby?

Why does Robert care about chips and salsa?

Food is love. I didn't want to just run up to him and scream "What did you do with the baby??!" DUH!

What?? You're being subtle?? This is a change from the girl who whispered "woohoo" in someone's ear last night.
 "So, have you abandoned any babies wrapped in a pink blanket lately?"

 Robert: "I have no idea what you're implying, ma'am, my baby is wrapped in a yellow blanket."

Thanks, sir.

Case closed. Nothing happened. It's been real, but I'm moving on now.'

   Venus! What the fudge? That was a disaster! And there's no such thing as a sim baby wrapped in a yellow blanket. BLUE OR PINK, ya dingbat! What the hamfat would a yellow blanket mean?

Confused. Obviously. Stop being so narrow minded. A baby's gender shouldn't be defined by a color. That is a very backwards way of thinking. Anyways, I have better ways to fill my time. I'm taking my life into my own hands. You can sit around being worried about dumb babies, if you want to. I'm supposed to be worried about knocking off rich men, and sleeping around to my heart's content. This is a waste of my time.

  You are impossible. What..what are you doing??

I'm leaving, obviously. I'm expecting a visitor soon.

LOOK! A police officer. You could at least mention it.

Stuff it. I don't care about babies. To hell with babies. 

 Can't this stupid cab driver go any faster? My life awaits, sir! STEP ON IT!

You're a doll.

Venus eventually made it home, and even had time to gussy up a bit.

For what?

...I'm scared to find out.

What are you waiting for? Did you order a pizza or something? That's the plan, to sit around and stuff yourself silly?

You just wait. It's close. I can smell it.

Oh jeez, that can only mean one thing:

Wait...Don Lothario???!


How many times do I have to tell you that?! No marrying Don. No more thinking about Don. No Don. Nada.

You are wasting your time. I'm about to turn your lifespan down to "short."

Did we get a weather expansion pack? I swear I hear wind blowing. 

 (Thought bubble censored, let's try and keep this PG :-P)

 Ahaha. That's funny. He must really want in your pants. Look at that. He's complimenting your "house."


What? You're not talking to me anymore? When did I lose control of this? This is not right! I MADE YOU!

 Does Don have a hidden "dweeb" trait? Why does he keep trying to talk to me about books? Do I look like I read?

You don't even look like you know how to read.

"Well, DON, I hate to interrupt your interesting conversation of books, but I'm starting to die of boredom a little and that's not what I invited you here for."


 That's more like it.


 See how much better I am on my own? 10 minutes ago, you had me chasing invisible babies.

And now? You have a chance to live in a barn.

What's that look for? Things not going as planned?

Oh no, they're perfect.

I don't know about YOU, but I would consider that a massive FAIL. In big, shiny letters.

He's just giving me a few minutes to slip into something more comfortable.

 So, why are you just laying there in your cupcake gear?

 I slipped into something more comfortable - the bed. The bed is infinitely more comfortable than standing there on the floor.

That is not what that saying means, doofus.


"Oh, DooooOOOooooooonnnn..."

Watch and learn. 

 He's not exactly gazing into your eyes.

That's the plan.

Has it ever occurred to you to let someone else make the first move?


 He would never dream that a girl like me would want a guy like him.

Don is a notorious ladies man, I'll have you know.

With that fashion sense? Please.

That's his work outfit. You know all about those, right, Venus?

Shut up, I'm busy.

 Well, it took ya long enough.

I'm not listening to you. If it were up to you, I'd still be chasing babies all around Riverview.

Wow. Don looks...pleased with himself.

Do you blame him? Look at me. I am the epitome of perfection.

...he's probably just happy that he gets to finish his book now.

I'm not done with him yet.

Ok, I think it's time for me to leave.

Thoughts to think about:

-Is Don "The One," or is Venus just interested in the chase?

-Do you really think I would let Venus live in a barn?

-The Riverview lottery is being drawn next week, who do you think will win it?

-What the hell happened to that baby??!   


  1. loved it kept me laughing, another excellent chapter!

  2. Haha, nice chapter! Can't wait to see who wins the lottery :)

  3. LOL Baby vanished home of course. Babies and toddlers get teleportation - grown Sims have to go the long way home. :)

    I am beginning to love Venus. You go girl - Don or Jon? It's all good.