Sunday, April 3, 2011

Drop Dead, Gorgeous.


When we last left Venus, she was busy being a peeping Tom.


I most certainly was not! YOU took that picture, YOU were the one that told me to look. Pervert. 

Venus was understandably upset at these current observations. Although, for all we know, she might be fixing Melvin's computer. And, lest we forget, she HAD just done the woohoo with Walter Grisby.

It's true what they say about noses, y'know!

MOVING ON!


As I stated before, she was understandably (and visibly) upset over the whole ordeal.

I WOOHOO'D WITH THAT OLD PRUNE!! HIS MONEY IS RIGHTFULLY MINE!


WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? SOME PLAIN-FACED TWIT IS NOT GOING TO COME IN AND STEAL HIS MONEY RIGHT FROM UNDER MY NOSE! OH NO! DID I MENTION THAT I HAD TO WOOHOO WITH HIM? DO YOU KNOW HOW DISGUSTING THAT IS? I MEAN,  I HAD TO TOUCH HIS...


ENOUGH!

I just had supper, I really don't want to hear about it. *shivers*

Venus, being herself, just barged right into his house without asking for permission.


I am well within my rights. The money is with him. I have earned that money. I have every right to be in this house.

  
This frightens me. I forsee a trip to the hospital in the very near future.

And, never one for subtlety...she just started right in on the poor girl without a how d'ya do, or anything:
 

  
Apparently, the unknown girl sees a fight a-brewin'.


This could get ugly.

Like her.

Bwahaha.

Can you say "delusional"?

Apparently, Melvin thought that this event was quite humorous:

  
That's because he thinks he's some sort of prize, I can't wait until I can feed him poison pancakes!


Accusations were flying right and left. Venus called her every name in the book, and I think she even made some up!



Finally, the girl (whose name is Audrey, by the way) is able to get a word in edgewise, to explain that she is not there to steal Melvin away from anyone.



 She had simply met Melvin through the internet chess site that they both play on. She was going through a tough time with her boyfriend, and Melvin offered her a place to stay while she was trying to get everything figured out.


LIAR! It's all lies. 

What?

She is a liar, and I know it!


Do tell!


Well, isn't it obvious? She's a blonde.

Excuse me? 

She is a BLONDE...she was supposed to be playing CHESS...

...

??

Blondes don't know how to play chess, C'MON! I bet she can't even tie her own shoes without getting confused, and singing the bunny song!

As a blonde, I am offended. I'll have you know that is not true!


I challenge you to a game of chess.

...I'm not in the mood.

I win.


Moving swiftly forward...

 You don't know how to play chess. Haha. Everyone point and laugh at the stupid blonde girl that doesn't know how to play chess!! HAHA! 

Hey...how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't care, Venus.

Two! One to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around! Bwahahahahahahha. Oh, that's so funny.


Oh! Funny! I've got one for you! How many times am I going to make you woohoo with Melvin until you finally get to get his money??

ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND MILLION! HAHAHAHAHAH.

That's not funny, that's sad. Thanks for making me cry and throw up at the same time.
 
Moving on. (For real this time!) Venus was ready to make amends with Melvin, if for no other reason than his fat bank account.


 What did you think it would be...his dashing good looks? Pfft.


And, for some reason, she even seemed to be trying to make an effort with Audrey.


  Although, Venus doesn't have much fun talking about anyone else, other than herself.

 

 Oh dear, this just doesn't seem to be going very well, does it?

Of course it is! I think she's just peachy.

Whaa?

Poor girl, her boyfriend is a jerk. It was very nice of Melvin to take her in like this.

...

I'm scared.


Finally, Melvin was about to die of starvation.

And we don't want that to happen before I marry his old ass.

Precisely. So off to the bistro, they went.

  
 I just don't trust that girl.

Audrey? She's a sweetheart! Love her to death!

I don't trust you, either.

Apparently, they had a grand old time in the bistro, because the two women came out laughing it up:

   

This is all too sweet for my liking.

Audrey and I are going to be great friends. GREAT. Friends.

I don't like the sound of that. 

It wasn't long, though, before Melvin had to get home, so Audrey left with him.

See? Wasn't that kind of her. Such a sweet soul.

Uh, yeah...anyways. So, Venus decided to walk home, as well. Luckily for her, she came across an interesting exchange.

     
Do you think people are idiots or something? "Venus decided to walk home." What kind of shit is that? You think people don't know that you sent me somewhere else? You think they REALLY thought that I was like "OH, great, it's a lovely night out. Even though I have a gorgeous car, why don't I just walk home in these 5 inch heels. That sounds like fun. Oh, HI YURI! I never expected to see you here. What a coinky-dink." Yeah...right. Just tell it like it is...you wanted me to go here, so you sent me there. DUH. Blondes. *sigh*

...thanks for ruining my story.

Anyways...it appeared that Yuri had a new friend...someone that Venus had never seen before.

*snort*

What?

Does Yuri even know that guy, or are you just pulling stories out of thin air now?

I'm about to get rid of you. You are killing my story. Shut it.

   
This guy looked pretty interesting to Venus, so she introduced herself. Turns out, his name was Brad , and he was, in fact, new in town. 

By interesting, she means I found him absolutely SMOKIN'!

Uh...ok. Well, apparently, Yuri got tired of their "getting to know you" talk and decided to start playing his guitar. Which, caused them to dance:

   

...maybe somewhat inappropriately, although Yuri doesn't seem to mind. Probably because he's banged the entire female population of Riverview, as well.


 And they danced the night away...until it was time for him to go home, of course.

 


That meant that it was just her and Yuri.

...yep.


 And, since it was only 3 am (still early!), Yuri felt it was a good time to, uh...show Venus around the theater.





Uh...what are you doing?

I worked up an appetite while touring the theater, so I pulled this cake out of my inventory. Yum.

Yeah. I saw where you pulled that cake from. 

Haha.

The next day, after Venus got a promotion...

 
 She felt like she was ready for a night out on the town.




And, lo and behold! Look who's hanging out at The Grind!


Yeah, "lo and behold." Golly gee whiz, and all that shiz. Ain't that just the darndest?


*glares*



 But thank heavens, though. Look at that crowd - SLIM PICKINS! Sometimes your "coincidences" work out for the best.




For some reason, a question had been weighing heavily on Venus' mind - what was his sign?



(Writer's note : Please excuse the random costume changes - we were experiencing technical difficulties - he had a slight obsession with the fire station, which was ruining my story. Problem solved. Moving on.)

 I don't remember what it was, but apparently Venus was pleased.

I wasn't thinking about his sign. *laughs*


All of a sudden, Venus sped towards the bar.

I had an idea.

  
Apparently, this great idea was called "KTHXBYE."




Well, everyone appears to be having a good time!

Oh, yes we are!

  
As you can see..it was apparently a good time, because Venus was inviting him home. (Inevitable.)


What's this? I get to drive my car? There were no sims that I needed to randomly bump into in the middle of the night? Weird!



 Stuff it!


This is when things started to get...iffy.



I have no idea what is being said here, but it looks inappropriate.

Apparently, some sims just can't hold their juice. :-D



Oh my God! Take it away! I'm afraid for my life. Hurry.

Scaredy cat.

Although, you can't really blame her...the freaking out continued:




Venus was so perturbed about the whole ordeal, that she stuck her arm through the wall. Gotta hate when that happens.

Ok, enough. Get rid of him. Where's Yuri?

Oh, come on. It's a challenge. Do what you do best!


Apparently all she needed to do was to compliment his cell phone.


Things continued to go well. There was talk of fishing (?), and it looked like things were smoothing over nicely.


...until Brad decided to insult her house.

Ok, enough. NEXT! Yuri, please.

No, no. No giving up. DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!


 
That's my girl! 


Since this is Venus that we are talking about...one thing always leads to another...




I'm not sure that I want to know why they are both in their workout gear. :-O

It was very athletic. Hehe. AGAIN, PLEASE! 

  
MORE!

  
AGAIN!




...and some, oh, 21 times later (not kidding!) something strange happened.

 Brad jumped out of the bed...

  Changed his clothes...


...had a good laugh about the whole thing...


...was disgusted by a bowl of rotten cereal...

And then...


He expired.


...right there in the living room floor.

It didn't take long for Venus to come looking.

I was about to drag him back to bed, to be honest. Mwahahaha.

  
...not exactly.


Oh my God, he's DEAD! I broke him! I killed him! Oh no. What am I gonna do???!


 Oh this is just awful. I can't believe I killed him. I knew it was too much. I couldn't help it. What am I gonna do....HELP!!!!



Oh, the horror. It's all my fault.





He woohoo'd like no one I've ever woohoo'd before. I'll never get over this.




...I think this will be the death of me. My poor heart can't handle it.




*le sigh*

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Desperate measures calls for...


Felicia sim! To the rescue. 


By jove, I think she's killed him. And herself , too!



 Well, this is a fine mess.


Oh, it's you! I am so happy to see you, blonde hair and all. 


Oh my jeez, V, what in the eff star star star have you done??! Now I have to fix this - no one will ever let me play with their simselves again! You've ruined me!!!!


I didn't know! You didn't tell me that you knew him...how the hell should I know??


 You should be ashamed of yourself.


I am! 


  I am sorry to the depths of my sim-soul. Now...fix him.

Fix him?? I can't fix him! 


But...but...WHY???! I liked him. *sniffle*


Please, help me...PUHHHHHLEEEEEEEASE! Don't you have some kind of MOD or something??

Nope, sorry, he's dead as a doornail, and you did it by woohooing him too many times. Death by woohoo, is what I suspect.

  
This is just too sad. I quit.


Oh...wait! I have a great idea.


Let's check him for a wallet.

...What the french toast? Are you serious? You're even worse than I thought.

  
Oh...my....god...


I think he's still breathing. 

QUICK! There's time. I have another idea.


Nope. I refuse. I am not going to be brought into your harebrained schemes. We are in enough trouble as it is.


Hear me out! Ok...so...I have the lifetime wish to be a golddigger. That means I have to see the ghost of a wealthy spouse.

...and??
  Oh, I'm sorry...you're a blonde. Silly me. I have to explain so that you understand. Soon, we are going to be seeing his ghost. If you make him wealthy...and my spouse...

WISH GRANTED! AMIRITE?! I'm right aren't I? Now I don't have to marry that disgusting Melvin. Oh, this is awesome. And even more awesome...ghosts can still woo-hoo. It's win-win! Now, get to work, girl.


Oh no...absolutely not. I'm not letting you out of it this easy. You are going to have to suffer.

  
Did I tell you that you are looking lovely today? Is it just those boots, or are you getting taller? And skinny! You look very skinny. My, what lovely breasts you have...

Ok, enough. I'll do it.

 *squeals*


.....

.....

  
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join in the holy matrimony of Venus and Brad...

Venus?

 
...hold that thought.


VENUS??!?


 VENUS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!




...

See you guys next time. ;-)


(Also - Big thanks to Brad aka jkmartinez2 from TS3 site for allowing me use of his simself. I think he was pretty well taken care of. ;-D )  

14 comments:

  1. I know, right! Too bad that you don't even know half of what he's been through! *lol*

    ReplyDelete
  2. PAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was absolutely hilarious! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. :-D So glad that you liked it! I had fun writing it. Can't wait to get started on the next chapter. *lol*

    ReplyDelete
  4. He's not dead, he's only sleeping! And I knew that would happen to Venus eventually... AND VENUS USED TO BE BLONDE!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. *lol* Shhhh!! They're watching! :-P Venus wears wigs. She's actually a brunette, although she wouldn't want anyone to know that. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Sims 3 HAS WIGS??? COOL! I want one!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. My sims always have wigs. :-D At least that's what *I* call them. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA UPDATE NEXT??????? AMAZING CLIFFHANGERRRR.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ummm...well...I'm kinda random about that, ya know. ;-D I'll get to it as soon as I can. I'm working on a special new story series, that I hope everyone likes!

    ReplyDelete
  10. *Thanks for the "answer". *eyeroll* Yeah, THANKS a lot! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. WHAAAT!? New story!? Woop woop chicken soup, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yep...new story. Coming soon - to a Tuesday or Wednesday near you! :-P

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lalalallalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaalala... just sitting here, waiting for an UPDATE!!!!

    ReplyDelete